For cutters, there is a way out, there is help

Thomas Hegarty says cutters may think they're all alone, but they're not. (Harrison Thorp photo)

ROCHESTER - If you’re a cutter, a person who deliberately cuts themselves, often as a means of masking deep-rooted emotional pain, Thomas Hegarty of Rochester wants you to know you’re not alone.

“I started cutting myself when I was in eighth grade,” he said on Friday in his Rochester home.

Hegarty, who is now 19, said he had a friend who showed where he had cut himself, and later decided to try it himself. He said he was dealing with a lot of emotional pain at the time, and looking back, he says that was what the cutting was all about.

Today at noon cutters, their families and friends and many others will gather at the Rochester Community Center and recognize Self Injury Awareness Day in New Hampshire. “It’s Real, Lets Heal” is sponsoring the event, which will include guest speakers and a walk, which will begin at 1 p.m.

Hegarty said he was alone when he first decided to cut himself.

“I was in my room and I picked up a razor and cut myself on my wrist. I loved it. It releases endorphins,” he said.

Endorphins function as inhibitory neurotransmitters. The term "endorphin rush" has been adopted in popular speech to refer to a feeling of exhilaration that can be brought on by pain, danger, or other forms of stress, due to the influence of endorphins. 

Hegarty said he didn’t always use a razor and didn’t always cut himself on his wrist. He used knives, scissors, whatever was handy, and also cut himself on his neck, arms and chest.

When he was a sophomore at Spaulding High School, it got really bad. He said he was cutting himself sometimes three or four times a week. He said at first he tried to hide where he’d cut himself, but after a while, he didn’t care. Everybody knew he was doing it, so he didn’t even try to hide it.

Hegarty knows why he did it.

“I did it as a way to mask emotional pain,” he said.

One time he cut himself so bad on the wrist it required stitches. Another time he had so many cuts on his body his mom took him to the emergency room, he said, mostly so she could get a psych evaluation on her son.

“I lied through my teeth,” he said.

It should be noted that cutters are not suicidal. They often hurt themselves, but aren’t trying to kill themselves.

Hegarty said he sometimes burned himself, too.

As with many addictions, substance abuse was an active component.

Hegarty said he began smoking pot and drinking, first beer, then hard stuff.

As of Friday he’s been clean and sober and not cutting for two and a half months. He finds his new life extremely exhilarating.

“My brain is reformatting itself,” he said. “Now I have to deal with the emotional pain in different ways. It’s difficult, but it feels good, it’s very gratifying.”

He said now when he’s feeling blue, instead of cutting he talks to people about how he feels, He says that keeps him going.

He loves talking to people about how to stop cutting. He’s currently in a 12-step program and talking to people about his past is part of his self-therapy.

“People view us as weird or crazy,” he said. “We’re not. We’re just trying to mask emotional pain.”

He said if anybody out there is contemplating hurting themselves they should talk to someone before they do it.

“You’re not alone; you’re not the only one. You may think you are, but you’re not.

“And remember. Cutting doesn’t only leave scars on your body. It leaves scars on the people you love.”

For more information, or help, visit http://www.itsrealletsheal.org/.